MVN: Most Valuable Network

The day after the Bobcats drew a measure of respect in beating the New Orleans Prodigals 92-89 with a thrilling fourth quarter run, the Observer ran a little sidebar story discussing the possibility of trading Gerald Wallace.

This in and of itself is no crime. Indeed, I have also discussed the possibility (and the relative inevitablity) of Crash being out of the Queen City by the All Star break. SO I read with interest until I hit this little gem:

One rumor circulating the country would have Wallace heading to Golden State, Warriors forward Al Harrington joining the New York Knicks and Eddy Curry leaving New York for the Bobcats.

Let me give you that again, in case you missed it.

One rumor circulating the country would have Wallace heading to Golden State, Warriors forward Al Harrington joining the New York Knicks and Eddy Curry leaving New York for the Bobcats.

To paraphrase a failed presidential candidate; my friends, this would be a travesty of monumental proportions. My friends.

Let me get to the core of this quickly: Eddy Curry is a buster. If you think Nazr Mohammed doesn't work hard on the boards, I beg you to look at any recording of Curry playing basketball at any level you can find. Eddy Curry only gets rebounds that come directly to him, and only then if he can't get out of the way.

Here's the source of my ire. Back when Eddy Curry and Tyson Chandler were getting ready to go into the NBA, they were the next Kevin Garnett and Shaqulle O'Neal! They were unstoppable forces of Nature! They would bring a TITLE to WHATEVER FRANCHISE would DRAFT THEM! So the Chicago Bulls did just that. They traded 20-10 guy Elton Brand (let that sink in: Elton Brand) to the Clippers for the draft rights to Chandler, and drafted Curry with their own pick.

And the franchise has never been the same.

The Bulls cratered as the "Baby Bulls" never came close to their potential. Chandler can't shoot; tough to be a Garnett clone if you cant stroke it. His greatest success has been as a recipient of lob passes from Chris Paul. And Curry...where do I start? Where he started I guess; in high school, Eddy Curry, a 6' 11" 300 pound man child, did not average 10 rebounds a game.

You read that right. The largest player in the state of Illinois, let alone the city of Chicago, could not average more than 9.7 rebounds a game. Look, at his size, 6 should hit him in the head. He simply did not try. And after he became a pro, all the talk was about how Curry was "unmotivated," and "seems not to care."

Duh.

Curry is a talented low post scorer. Period. He can't rebound, he can't defend, he can't pass, and he doesn't work. How long would it be before Larry Brown went all Hannibal Lechter on him and left him hanging from the rafters at The Cable Box, entrails arrayed like an angel's wings? Before Charlotte discovers what New York and Chicago found out before them; that Eddy Curry is a buster, a tease, a South Side YMCA player masquerading as an NBA baller?

For all that is good and right in this world, please. Larry, Michael, Rod. Don't do this. I know you need a big guy, a low post scorer. Not Eddy Curry. Not now, not ever. This is what the ESPN Trade Machine is for. If you want to do salary comparisons for something that works, look there. But every single time you do it, you must leave Eddy Curry out of the discussion. I'm begging you.