MVN - Most Valuable Network

6 Responses to “POLL: So much for that…”

1. Fully Manny says:
   

   May 20th, 2008 at 3:34 pm

   I selected Ted Williams’ frozen decapitated head.

2. JROD says:
   

   May 20th, 2008 at 4:47 pm

   its gonna be a long 100 years!
   http://blogs.usatoday.com/gameon/2008/05/curses-another.html

3. Tessie's Dad says:
   

   May 20th, 2008 at 5:10 pm

   Seeing “Ted William’s frozen decapitated head” as an option in the poll prompted me to dredge up the following from my vast archives. I wrote this last year and posted it on an inferior message board (this was before I discovered Fire Brand, of course). It’s out-of-date now, of course, but some of you might get a kick out of it:

   –
   YANKS SIGN WILLIAMS
   NEW YORK - After an underwhelming start to the season which saw the Yankees fall as many as 11 games behind their arch-rivals, the Boston Red Sox, in the AL East standings, the Yankees have again pulled out their checkbooks to lure another aging superstar from retirement: Ted Williams. This latest blockbuster signing comes as the Yankees welcome the Red Sox to Yankee Stadium tonight for a three game, must-win series. Having previously lured Roger Clemens, age 44, from semi-retirement with the promise of a big paycheck, the Yankees pursued a similar strategy in bringing Williams, 83 at the time of his death, to the Bronx.

   Williams spent 19 seasons in a Red Sox uniform before retiring in 1960, and dying in 2002. He compiled Hall of Fame statistics: 17 all star game selections, 521 home runs, a .344 career batting average, and two American league Triple Crowns. Yankees General Manager Brian Cashman, in making the announcement, said, “I expect this will be a controversial signing, but the fact is Ted will bring a level of dynamism and leadership that’s been missing from our clubhouse.”

   The headless, cryogenically preserved corpse of “Teddy Ballgame” will start out as a designated hitter. Current Yankees DH Jason Giambi could not be reached for comment, but his agent, Arn Tellem, said, “Jason’s productivity has fallen off a bit since he got off the ‘juice,’ but I expect this is only a temporary situation. Eventually, medical science will develop an untraceable performance enhancing drug, and Jason will bounce right back.”

   Yankee Manager Joe Torre echoed Cashman’s sentiments, saying “Teddy will fit right in in this clubhouse. There are a lot of guys here who’ve been around a while and know what it takes to get it done. Ted’s had a full life and will fit right in. He’ll make all the other guys feel younger and more alive.”

   Terms of the agreement were not released, but a confidential source within the Yankee organization reports that Williams’ contract includes provisions for ongoing cryogenic support between games, and travel separate from the rest of the team in an ice cream truck. His contract also specifies that the Yankee team doctor be a specialist in geriatrics; given the average age of the current Yankee roster, this condition has already been met. Yankees owner George Steinbrenner has been undergoing cryogenic suspension treatments in the off-season, in what family members describe as a desperate and pathetic attempt to prolong his life enough to witness another Yankee championship. It is believed that Steinbrenner and Williams met in the same cryonics facility in Scottsdale, Arizona.

   Williams will report to the Yankees’ training camp in Tampa for extended defrosting before making his return to the major leagues some time next month. Cashman added: “This guy is one of the all-time greats, there’s no disputing that. Sure, he’s a little past his prime, being dead and all, but at least he’s not getting any older. There’s no other player in either league who can make that claim.”

4. Fully Manny says:
   

   May 20th, 2008 at 5:13 pm

   JROD, I’m starting to get the feeling the Yankees are just making this stuff up to get press. It’s pretty obvious they’re desperate in the shadow of the Sox right now. The entire Billy Crystal, digging up Ortiz jersey, saying the universe is out of order when the Yankees aren’t winning thing is getting pretty sad to watch.

5. JROD says:
   

   May 20th, 2008 at 5:41 pm

   aboslutly fully manny i totally agree, their just looking for reasons to make the papers other than their early struggles. On another note do you think they’ll play today? I for one think its gonna get cancelled but then that brings up the question of what do you do with the rotation do you send masterson back down if they dont play a double header this week?

6. gerry says:
   

   May 20th, 2008 at 10:56 pm

   LOL Tessie’s Dad. I wonder if the Babe is still available to play one more season before the Steinbrenners tear down his house for profit. That’s what reversed the curse, and I don’t think Ted will want to turn it back around, no matter what they pay him.

Leave a comment