MVN - Most Valuable Network

A Fire or a Whisper?

In my post last week, I advocated a patient approach to the Yankee slump. After witnessing a week of absolute misery capped off by last night’s complete and total debacle, however, I’m inclined to scratch my noggin in search of a way out of this miasma, and I believe I finally have it.

What quality did the Yankee dynasty possess that kept them from, and lifted them out of these types of awful slumps? What quality do the most successful teams of the recent years have that performs that function for them? I speculated last week that health was the key ingredient that would propel the Yankees back: that A-Rod would come swooping in, grab the rest of the squad by the scruff of their necks and yank them out of their torpor. Well, if that was true, you’d hope for SOME kind of lift last night instead of losing by a million runs to the worst team in the universe. In recent days, our own Moshe Mandel postulated that fire was the X-factor that the bombers were lacking. This is a very interesting topic and I could go back and forth on that idea but I feel that there is an even more important element: one that all successful teams have, and there’s only one man in the world that can help us.

His name is Cesar Milan.

“Who is that?” you say.

“Is he that utility guy who plays for the Reds?”

“Oh, yeah, he’s that big-time shortstop prospect from Venezuela!”

“No wait, you couldn’t possibly be talking about…”

Yes, that’s right, THAT Cesar Milan. It’s time, ladies and gentlemen. It’s time to call The Dog Whisperer!  For those of you that are not as obsessed with The Dog Whisperer as my girlfriend is, here’s the basic premise of the show.  People who are having problems with their dogs who have developed bad habits, whether it be aggressiveness, acting out, repetitive behaviors, begging for loose change on the streets, phobias or any number of other phenomena, call Cesar for help because they have hit rock bottom and don’t know what to do.  Have we not hit rock bottom?  Isn’t it time for the ultimate pack leader to come in and shake our players out of their bad habits?

Cesar’s methodology is fairly simple, though it varies slightly with each case.  The dogs have slipped into bad routines that they have been allowed to perpetuate by their owners.  Cesar comes in with his calm (unlike Hank Steinbrener), assertive (unlike Girardi?) energy and establishes himself as the pack leader.  Once he accomplishes this, he utilizes a swift, pinching hand action accompanied by a loud, startling, “Sssshhhttt!!” noise to issue corrections to his charges when they are engaging in unwanted behaviors (my girlfriend is starting to do the same thing to me - I can vouch for how annoying it actually is).  The purpose of this is to shock the dogs, snap them out of their bad habits (I have none - I’m really not sure what Tracey’s talking about), and distract them from the repetitive mindset they were stuck in.  How perfect is that for the Yanks!!

“Distraction?” you ask?  Isn’t that the exact opposite of what we need?  Don’t we need fire and intensity, as Moshe wrote?  Fire can certainly be helpful in many spots but I contend that fire is merely another form of distraction: a method of shaking players loose from their poor mindsets.  The baseball season is a long, 162 game grind with many opportunities for bad habits and mindsets to creep in and perpetuate themselves.  Yes, some great teams have utilized intensity to shake them loose from their doldrums, but ALL of them have had some sort of clubhouse presence that was able to, in one way or another, distract the players from their daily routine. 

Look at the most recent Yankee dynasty.  What could be more distracting than having Paul O’Neill trashing water coolers and David Wells pitching perfect games while hung over from the night before?  Look at the Red Sox.  Manny Ramirez, um… need I say more?  This guy is a walking distraction - HE GOES BEHIND THE SCOREBOARD TO URINATE WHILE HE’S PLAYING THE FIELD!!  Okay, I did say more: it’s pretty irresistible, sorry.  No, they weren’t a great team, but remember when Bobby V. got thrown out of the game and came back into the dugout wearing a fake mustache and glasses?  The Mets snapped out of their funk and went on a huge tear directly after that. 

Just picture it: Kyle Farnsworth hangs a fat one over the plate, “Ssshhtt!!”  Jason Giambi hits the ball to right side despite every single player on the other team shifting there, “Ssshhtt!!”  Bobby Abreu shying away from the right field wall on a fly ball, “Ssshhtt!!”  When Cesar deals with dogs lacking confidence or who are overly fearful, he sometimes configures the leash so that it lifts the dog’s head up high, thereby making it feel more dominant and powerful.  Just picture Cesar doing laps in the outfield with Robbie Cano’s leash in one hand and Ian Kennedy’s in the other, lifting up their chins so that Robbie swings with more authority and Ian stops nibbling at the strike zone.  The possibilities are endless.  The Red Sox could even use him to train Manny to stop peeing on the scoreboard after the Yanks finish with him.

 Am I really advocating bringing in the dog whisperer as a motivational consultant?  No, I guess not.  The point is that, when slumping, the manager, GM, players, and ownership all need to do things to shake things up.  This could involve something silly, something intense, or just something unusual… like the bench clearing incident last night, perhaps.  While I don’t advocate Hawkins throwing at someone’s head, I AM hoping that the fireworks last night combined with the return of A-Rod will serve as a kind of catalyst for snapping the Yankees out of their current streak of pathetic loserdom.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 21st, 2008 at 2:06 pm and is filed under 1 - Analysis. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.