Keep Pacman Out of This Town
Throughout history, there have been stupid ideas: invading Russia during the winter; communism; messing with Texas; Peter’s breakfast machine.
Well, Jerry Jones is–if you believe what you read on the World Wide Web–poised to roar into the Top 10 (again) by trading for convicted criminal and suspended Tennessee Titan cornerback Adam “Pacman” Jones. Several sources around the NFL are reporting that the two teams have been talking for at least a week and a deal could be reached by the end of the month. The Cowboys would probably give up a late-round pick in this year’s draft.
One word: No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No. Infinity.
This may well be the most odious proposal I’ve heard since that guy at Six Flags tired to get me to play the Kitten Dunking Booth–with kittens in the booth and as the “balls” thrown at the target.
But, seriously, folks, acquiring Pacman is a stupid idea. Really, it’s just ignorant.
Since being drafted sixth overall out of West Virginia in 2005, Pacman has been arrested six times in three states. Overall, he has been questioned by police at least ten times for various criminal acts. He’s punched and spat on women. He’s been drunk in public. Once, he was stopped driving a vehicle with license plates from another car. He’s bitten bouncers. This doesn’t include his arrests from his college days (a fourth state), for which he is still on probation.
Of course, Pacman’s most notorious violence came during the NBA’s All-Star weekend in Las Vegas last year. At a nightclub party, Pacman “made it rain” with $84,000 as women danced on stage. However, in one of the most completely unforseen events of all-time, fights broke out when Pacman and his thugs–and every other person there–tried to pick all that money back up. Pacman and his goons punched some women, shots were fired, and one man was left paralyzed. The shooter was one of Pacman’s bodyguards, but Pacman has refused to cooperate with police, and the shooter remains at-large.
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell suspended Pacman entirely last season, and it is unlikely, at best, that he will be reinstated for this year.
Yet, with not even a plausible hope of actually seeing him on the field–especially since Pacman just pled guilty to more charges in Georgia in February–Jerry is ready and willing to give away a draft pick for him.
For those two seasons he was on the field, many around the league considered him an elite cornerback, with a whopping four career interceptions, and punt returner. As much as the Cowboys need both, the answer is not Pacman.
It would be impossible, if he ever gets reinstated, to trust, or hope, that Pacman would ever stay out of trouble long enough to be effective. Pacman demonstrated just how much he’s dedicated to getting back to football by spending his suspension as a pro wrestler for TNA.
Look at the history: anyone who says Pacman will ever not be a criminal is a fool. Anyone who says he would be a postive addition to the Cowboys is a fool.
The Cowboys have been more than embarrassed over the years by criminal players. Now, with Tony Romo, Jason Witten, DeMarcus Ware, and Roy Williams (deficient player but good person), the team is creating a much different image from the teams of Michael Irvin, Nate Newton, Dwayne Goodrich, Rafael Septien, Larry Bethea, and Hollywood Henderson. (And, no, I’m not talking about the image of not winning a playoff game in 12 years).
Besides, Jerry isn’t too popular in these parts right now anyways, thanks to those $50,000 PSL’s in JerryWorld. If I’m paying that much, I sure as heck don’t want to take my kids to see an NFL version of The Longest Yard.
As ticked off as most fans are at the moment, if Jerry goes through with this, the only “pack man” he’ll need is some guy working for Bekins loading up the truck so Jerry can get out of town ahead of the mob.
Besides, Dallas jails are overcrowded as it is.
Brian Smith can be reached at BLSmith@mail.utexas.edu
Listen to Brian talk sports every Tuesday, 9-11 a.m. cst, only at kvrx.org
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10 Responses to “Keep Pacman Out of This Town”
March 21st, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Peter’s breakfast machine is genius in comparison to the Boys signing Pacman.
March 22nd, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Apparently Cowboy fans and Patriots fans have the same mindset on Pacman Jones. Probably all NFL fans have the mindset. Do you think Goodell will even re-instate him?
March 22nd, 2008 at 6:05 pm
The Mongols successfully invaded Russia in winter and if they’d “messed with” Texas they’d have been similarly successful. After all, a few cowboys and George W Bush would hardly be a match for Genghis Khan and his mighty tumens, would they?
March 25th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
Ridiculous post Brian. This is a no risk trade. No risk at all. Try again. You’re not a fan.
March 25th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
Brian, I will have to hand it to you, a very sensible article. But, while you guys may be good next year, I still think you guys are a long ways away from becoming a classy organization. I mean let’s talk about the other poster-boy for player misconduct: Tank Johnson. What team does he happen to play for: the Dallas Cowboys. Merely just showing interest in a player like Pacman still shows that Jerry Jones and the rest of the organization have no regard for any character concerns. This is nothing against you, but this is why the Cowboys disgust me. You guys are not a classy organization and do not deserve to win playoff games. As a Giants, I know how a team is really built, it is not about bringing loud-moths, criminals, etc. in (TO, Crayton, Tank, etc.), but building a strong cohesive unit. Boy was it sweet to see RW come down with that interception, but I believe karma’s a real bi*ch and until you guys change your ways, I don’t think you can be a sucessful and classy organization.
March 26th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
not a bad post.. as a giant fan i have mixed feelings about the whole pacman to the cowboys thing. The same can be said with the chad johnson rumors as well. in one sense i’d love to see both go to the cowboys and ruin the team with their attitudes. At the same time however both are unbelievable players and the idea of having newman and pacman, and johnson and TO next to each other is scary
March 28th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Funny how people from other teams jump in to voice their opinions on the boys when their team got by us when we were hurting on offense
Giants fans will never admit it but the truth be know if T.O. is not coming off a sprained ankle or even as it pains me to say this if Brady is not on a gimpy leg you have no ring this year face it your d played great but caught the two premier teams with their stars hurt
April 1st, 2008 at 4:03 am
TO said he was fine(although he was limping), that was the only significant injury on the Dallas roster. Are you gonna blame the Romo interception, Crayton drop, and poor pass defense on injuries aswell? Bradys ankle was fine he threw well, he got killed by his O-line and the Giants blitzing schemes. No significant injuries there. No limping about to be seen.
April 1st, 2008 at 7:32 am
TO was limping a little, but that had nothing to do with Romo throwing the last intercerception, or the secondary not being able to cover, or Crayton dropping that critical 3rd down pass. As for the Pats, Tom Bradys ankle was fine. He had it all taped up, was moving around, planting and throwing. As long as the Giants werent on him knocking him around. Injury had nothing to do with them not being able to stop “the play”, stopping all the third down conversions, or Plax catching the winning touchdown. So just drop the excuses and lets move on.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:40 am
james-
get over it. you know whats funny is when giants fans right in to make general comments about the cowboys trade and even compliment them and some fool has to find away to cry about “the giants getting lucky”. Basically every cowboys fan i know says the same thing, and all i can do is just laugh. In case you didnt notice plaxico burress was dealing with an ankle injury as well. also we did not have jeremy shockey, or derrick ward, or mathias kiwanuka, among others. so please get over yourself and admit you just lost cowboy fans Have enough balls to do that. you might win the superbowl in 09 but you didnt in 08 so get over it.
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